Wise advise on communication:

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see that one that has been opened for us. -Helen Keller     Some years ago, I had the pleasure of attending a speaker series of famous accomplished women from various industries. One […]

In the movie Me and you and everyone we know (2005) [i], the character Richard is a recently divorced, shy shoe salesman and father of two boys. In the opening scene, Richard is moving out of his house, essentially being kicked out by his wife. Richard is a plain man, and it is clear this […]

  A few years ago I was in the entrance of a Chinese food restaurant waiting to be seated. I was enjoying the ambiance of their waiting area when I noticed the fish swimming in their indoor ‘pond’ that flowed around the perimeter of the room. Although these fish were quite large, they resembled goldfish. […]

I find that trying to quit any bad habit or change your behavior is in many ways like quitting an addiction. With that in mind, I think the following tips for someone trying to quit an addiction can be helpful for anyone trying to change a pattern of behavior that that are addicted to, such […]

Some advice on life based on lessons learned as a psychologist: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/02/21/8-things-ive-learned-from-being-a-psychotherapist/  

Effecting change can be a slow and difficult process. Most real behavioral change boils down to the altering of habits. While this sounds simple enough, just because it is simple does not mean it is easy. Anyone who has tried to change his habits can tell you it usually isn’t. This is due to several […]

There are 2 ways that we all can contribute to our own suffering: 1) You hold onto what you expected or hoped for, and resist what is the reality in front of you. 2) When your choices or behavior and your values are not aligned, and you disapprove of your own actions.   Logically, to reduce […]

There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit.   “Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically.   “We’ll see,” the farmer replied.   The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it […]

In order to learn to tolerate emotions, I find that it helps to think of them as if you are standing in the ocean, facing out to sea, with the water at about your waistline, your back to the beach. Now imagine that a wave is coming towards you. You cannot stop it. You cannot […]

Whether it is anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, etc; most of us know that experience when we are filled with an inconvenient and undeniable feeling. Imagine that feeling as an uninvited person who is getting into your car. Imagine that you are driving a car, and then that familiar uninvited feeling shows up, be it spontaneously, […]

Sometimes, in order to avoid acting on my emotions or reactions, I find that it helps to separate them from myself. I even imagine an emotion as a separate ‘person,’ giving me bad advice. How I see that person depends on the feeling. Anger reminds me of the sidekick to the bad guy in teen […]

It is bad enough feeling depressed, or anxious, or angry, or resentful. There are times when it is almost impossible to avoid these feelings. But then we get caught up in what my wife refers to as ‘the second level.’ You can be depressed about being depressed, (i.e. “What’s wrong with me? Why do I […]

  “What is fear anyway? It’s a series of automatic responses to a given stimulus, characterized by increased heart rate, respiratory activity, and adrenaline function. The only problem with fear is that it has largely become inappropriate and non-adaptive. Do sweaty palms help to talk to your boss? Does a racing pulse help some kid […]

  Common courtesy is hardest at home.   * * * *   Don’t keep score.   * * * *   If you are arguing about arguing i.e., ‘I didn’t yell!’ ‘Yes, you did!’ or you are taking turns yelling your point without any effort to really consider the point your partner just made, […]

Let’s say, for the sake of discussion, that you decide one day that you will no longer have a certain fight with your partner. You clearly love her, and you do not intend to argue. Even though it is hard to let her have her way, you decide that, for the relationship’s sake, you are […]

Many parents that I have worked with have asked some variation of the same question at some point in the therapy: “Why is it so hard to raise a teenager?” Inherent in this question is the question ‘why is it so hard to raise OUR teenager?’ Parents want to know if there is something wrong […]

One day I was regressing a little, and watching Justice League (TV Series 2001-2006), a cartoon show about a superhero team including, among others, Superman and Wonder Woman. In that episode Superman and Wonder Woman were fighting a villain that used magic. He created a flash of light as a distraction. When the light faded, […]

“There is more in heaven and earth than can be dreamt of in your imagination.”            -William Shakespeare   * * * *   Emotions distort our perceptions. This is a real problem since our perceptions are pretty subjective to start out with, if they get too distorted, they may not resemble what […]

Most people are probably familiar with the five stages of dying (sometimes also known as the five stages of grief). Elizabeth Kubler-Ross originally conceived of these as the stages that a dying patient may experience when he finds out that he is dying. She theorized that some people may not pass through all the stages, […]