Managing tantrums

Some professional insight into what tends to be most effective in reducing tantrums: https://www.sciencealert.com/there-s-actually-scientifically-helpful-way-deal-kids-tantrums-bad-behaviour-aggression?utm_source=ScienceAlert+-+Daily+Email+Updates&utm_campaign=b0133496e0-MAILCHIMP_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_fe5632fb09-b0133496e0-365490661    

Some different perspectives on what that REALLY means: “I’ll Do It in a Minute!” What Does That Really Mean? 3 Perspectives  

  Common courtesy is hardest at home.   * * * *   Don’t keep score.   * * * *   If you are arguing about arguing i.e., ‘I didn’t yell!’ ‘Yes, you did!’ or you are taking turns yelling your point without any effort to really consider the point your partner just made, […]

An interesting perspective on why kids back talk, why it is so frustrating for parents, and why it may not be as bad a behavior as parents think: http://www.davidwolfe.com/kids-who-talk-back-become-successful-adults/  

Perceived attacks are tricky things. I can be so aware and hurt by what you did that I naturally conclude (i.e. assume) that you were acting with the knowledge that I would be hurt. To me, the connection is obvious. It is impossible to imagine that someone could do that, and not see how it […]

One day I was regressing a little, and watching Justice League (TV Series 2001-2006), a cartoon show about a superhero team including, among others, Superman and Wonder Woman. In that episode Superman and Wonder Woman were fighting a villain that used magic. He created a flash of light as a distraction. When the light faded, […]

A helpful opinion piece on dealing with a master negotiator: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/on-parenting/so-heres-the-deal-how-to-respond-to-a-7-year-old-negotiator/2015/09/15/03a8894c-57ef-11e5-b8c9-944725fcd3b9_story.html  

“Long ago, a storm was heading for the city of Quin’lat. Everyone took protection within the walls except one man who remained outside. I went to him and asked what he was doing. “I am not afraid,” he said. “I will not hide my face behind stone and mortar. I will stand before the wind […]

Extending the ideas mentioned in the post Sports Playbook, people not only intend different things by certain actions, they express certain ideas by using different actions. This comes up most often in closer relationships, like in families. It is as if family members are trying to say similar things while speaking different languages. With one […]

Relationships are like playing a sport with a teammate who is following a different playbook of rules. Furthermore, you are each constantly editing and changing your own playbook, and you don’t always act in accordance with your book. That leaves a lot of room for inconsistency and misunderstanding. You may be making a legal move […]

Imagine that one day ‘Bob’ is driving downtown. All of the sudden, a pedestrian steps out in the middle of the road, and Bob is forced to suddenly hit the brakes in order to avoid hitting the pedestrian. Now, Bob is pretty annoyed at this selfish and inconsiderate jaywalker. If Bob is in the wrong […]

One of the reasons that the difference in perspective between people is so complicated is because it is often impossible to explain why we feel the way we do about many things. It is difficult to identify why something feels like an attack to one person and wouldn’t bother the other. Or why something is […]

A heartfelt opinion piece by a parent on balancing limits/discipline with freedom to have fun and be kids: http://www.mommy-ville.com/i-wish-my-kids-could-just-be-kids/  

“If I take a lamp and shine it toward the wall, a bright spot will appear on the wall. The lamp is our search for truth… for understanding. Too often, we assume that the light on the wall is [Truth], but the light is not the goal of the search, it is the result of […]

People are easily seduced by their perspectives. What appears to me to be evident and obvious may make no sense to you. This can be very hard to imagine. We are all such different creatures. I am, to some extent, the sum of my memories. That is to say my personality, how I act, and […]

I still remember the first time I witnessed the power of metaphor with a client. Michael was 14 years old. He had bounced from one therapist to the next and was guarded, cynical about adults in general, and therapists in particular. He had run away from his parents’ house on several occasions. To put it […]

[1] Domjan, Michael. (1993) Domjan and Burkhard’s The Principles of Learning and Behavior, 3rd Edition. Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole Publishing Company.   [1] Domjan, Michael. (1993) Domjan and Burkhard’s The Principles of Learning and Behavior, 3rd Edition (pp. 290). Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole Publishing Company.   [1] Domjan, Michael. (1993) Domjan and Burkhard’s The Principles […]

One day, while I was watching TV, the phone rang. I pressed mute on the TV and talked to my friend on the phone. At one point, the TV distracted me. A character was having a considerable temper tantrum that grabbed my attention. The other characters around him seemed truly affected by the tantrum. However, […]

Several years ago, my older brother and I were discussing the Star Wars movies. We both felt the original movies were superior, and were trying to figure out what it was that made us feel this way. We came up with a few theories, when he suggested an idea that has stuck with me as […]

This metaphor elaborates on similar themes to those described previously in the posting Teaching a child to ride a bike. Imagine a high wire act. Now imagine the acrobat first walks across with a net below. He wants to make it across, but he knows the net is there, so if he falls, he’ll be […]